7/28/09

Staff weekend was great. It was strange seeing a whole new set of faces filling up those chairs, and a little sad without the people who made last summer what it was. But I don't doubt that this summer will be amazing as well, just in a different way.

I've been rereading my journal from last summer. it's crazy to see the difference between what i wrote the first week and what i wrote the end of camp. i wrote this the last Wednesday of camp and i think it kind of sums up the summer perfectly (without being personally incriminating) so i wanted to type it here:

"This week has not been what i have expected. I know that this ministry is completely shaped by ups and downs but I really wanted to end this summer with a good week. Not that this week hasn't been a good week, but I just don't feel like I have a lot in common with these girls. Maybe Hannah was right when she talked earlier in the summer about always gravitating towards certain types of campers 

I can't beleive this summer is almost over. It halfway seems like we should just be starting week 2, and halfway seems like i've been here forever. But i love it. I think back through this summer and all the girls I've had a chance to get to know. All of these girls have come and gone. I wonder how they're all doing since they've been home. Have they stayed consistent in seeking Christ in their lives? Some of them I talk to, other I don't. Some I never expected to hear from and did. Others promised they would email me "every single day" and never did. Camp ministry is so weird. 

 I was talking to Royce last night on SWOMP about how I know over half this staff won't be back next summer. At the same time, I can't imagine camp without every single one of them. I want to think that I'll be back next summer, but I want to be open to other opportunities and other ways I can serve outside of Snowbird. 

 I'm thankful for the reconciliation I've seen this summer. Between friends on staff, even when it hasn't involved me. Between campers who bickered all week only to hug and make up and apologize to each other the last night of camp. I'm thankful for reconciliation within my small group. I hate that it took us all summer to finally address whatever may have been going on, but I'm trying to be constant in remembering that nothing happens unless YOU plan it and that you've taught all three of us lessons in what it means to be intentional with others. 

 I'm leaving here on Sunday morning with Suz. Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Five more days here. I'm praying for energy to finish this race HARD. To not stop winding down, but to start running it harder than I have been. I want to make the most of the time I have left here with my campers, with the staff, and with my small group. I don't want to waste this summer. Have I wasted it so far?

I wish I could go back and do it all over again, having already learned the lessons I know now. But I know I'm already starting to feel burnt out, i'm sick, i'm tired, and I doubt I could handle more than another week or two of this as much as I wish i could."