retrospect

I realized that I never posted this, even though I wrote it back in August. better late than never :)


I've flipped through my camp notebook plenty of times since I've been back in civilization, each time thinking that I want to somehow take everything I said and thought and wrote and combine it into one long jumble, more for myself than anyone else. It doesn't seem real to me that I've just spent eleven weeks of my life completely removed from my normal surroundings and immersed in an environment that's such a disconnect from reality here. Kathleen and I were talking on the way home, as we passed Oconee Medical Center and saw a powerwalker that reminded us of Nate Evens, how nobody is capable of understanding a summer at Snowbird unless they've personally experienced it. I don't mean this in an overdramatic teenage girl kind of way (and by the way, I am officially free to make teenager jokes now that I have said goodbye to ninteen) but in a sincere kind of way. As much as we talk to our friends about the rodeo, and crack jokes about black hoodies, or complain about cardboard pizza, or attempt to explain Kahuna's analogies, it's simply not something that can be fully understand by people who haven't been with us every step of the way.
I'm really thankful to have people at Clemson, and close to Clemson, who have that shared experience so I don't feel as much like an island this year.
[end rabbit trail #1]

One thing I've come to learn is that I'm a processer. Sometimes I need time to mentally sort through things before I am capable of giving an adequate response to them. One weekend this summer, I went to see Toy Story 3 after having a long, serious conversation with a friend. I don't remember anything about that movie to be honest because my mind wouldn't stop arguing with itself. During camp, there is rarely an opportunity to have uninterrupted thinking time. When I was in Cola, I divided my time between unpacking/packing and trying to squeeze in quality time with a lot of people, and so I'd been continuing in the style of being busy all the time. So here I am, (only?) two weeks later, back in Clemson and finally getting a chance to catch my breath.
[false statement. "real" nursing school has started, and I'm about to start drowning again]

moral of the story: i love Snowbird. and as uncertain as I am at this point about whether or not the summer I just finished will be my last. I am thankful for every part of it, good and bad. And there was definitely a fair share of both of those moments. I know the ministry at SWO is focused on ministering to the students who come each week, but I know I haven't left either of these summers the same.

If I had to choose what I think I'm going to take away from this summer, it could be summed up in one simple but loaded word: LOVE. I wrote about it earlier in the summer, but over the last four weeks, I kept coming back to that same concept. Sometimes it takes me awhile to catch on when God is trying to teach me something. One of the passages that we unpacked in staff church over the last few weeks of camp was Romans 12.

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer"

Loving other people with the same, GENUINE love that's been shown to me is not something I'm good at. I actually don't think there are many, if any, people who can say they've truly mastered that art. But God's love isn't contingent on human attitudes or actions and i know mine is, unfortunately. I think acknowledging that is the first step to attempting to allow the love that God has shown to me to be channeled to the rest of my people in my life. For elaboration, read the note before this one.

One other point that was reiterated time after time at camp was that we may not really know how the summer shaped us until weeks or even months back in the real world. If that's the case, which I believe it is, maybe I'll revisit this in the middle of the semester. One thing that was said to me on the last day of SWO9, that I repeated to my campers almost every week this summer, and am now constantly reminding myself is that the God of Andrews, NC is the SAME God that's in Clemson, SC and to the ends of the earth. Ministry is found everywhere, not just on the busses that came to us every Monday afternoon.

love.

I really, genuinely can't believe how quickly this summer has gone by. (I also really, genuinely can't believe how well I am getting internet in the coop right now). Yesterday was my birthday. Two decades, ladies and gentlemen. It was an amazing day and I'm so blessed to be able to spend it surrounded by my Snowbird family. I felt really loved.

I feel like each of my last five weeks here has had a "theme" of some sorts, that has eventually plugged in to the big picture of what I am learning and how I am being shaped by being here this summer. This week was about the LOVE of Christ, and how so often I don't understand it, recieve it, or display it. I don't think I'll ever be able to understand it.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not boast. Love is not proud. Love is not rude. Love is not self-seeking. Love is not easily angered. Love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects. Always trusts. Always hopes. Always perseveres. (1 Cor 13)

I am, more often than I would like to admit, the opposite of all of these things. I'm about the most impatient person you'll ever meet. I have my fair share of pride. Sometimes i get mad quicker than I should. I don't always have the mindset of PROTECTING, TRUSTING, HOPING and PERSEVERING when it's not easy. But through situations that have really made me lean on the hope and love of Christ, I've realized that I give people the love I THINK they deserve, and how absolutely messed up that is.

There are going to be people in my life who are easy to love - and even then, I'm not always goin to love them in the way that Christ loves us. But even more so, I've been realizing the fallacies in my attitude towards people I don't find easy to love. God's love isn't contingent or swayed by actions, attitudes, or personalities. It doesn't matter what I've done, what I've said, who I'm friends with, how I've treated others - it's unconditional and unchangeable.

If Christ can love me despite how often I mess up, how is it so HARD to channel the love I've been given to other people. Realizing the faults in my actions is the first step to allowing Christ to work through me and change that in my life.

This note is probably not very clear, partially because it's quick and staff church starts in three minutes (Luke Lethco just informed me that I am a sinner because I am on facebook during staff church. even though it's not even staff church yet).

Altogether, I'm thankful to be here. I'm thankful for the people God has put in my life to encourage me, love me, teach me how to love others, hold me accountable, and genuinely change me, both at camp, at Clemson, and at home. And I'm not going to take that for granted these last four weeks.

week two

I had a group from Mississippi this week. They were a cool group and I loved it, but it was exhausting for tons of reasons. Some annoying cold/sinus junk has been making it's way around the staff, and I caught it (but thankfully not until the weekend so I can get some good sleep), I had SWOMP this week (and as much as I love SWOMP, the following day[s] aren't always fun, especially on top of sickness) and I've had some conversations and situations with both campers and staff that have really just been heavy in my thoughts this week.

One thing I'm really worried about right now is being sick, like I mentioned before. I have four individuals next week, which i'm REALLY excited about because one of the girls was one of my campers last year. I'm just worried because if I was to get/still be sick next week, I won't have any backup with my girls.

I think this week I've really just learned how thankful I need to be, and I need to be continually reminded of that. I'm thankful for a family who loves me and who has taught me to make good decisions. I'm thankful for friends who encourage me and pray for me. I'm thankful that God has protected me and kept me from tons of trouble that I could have gotten myself into at some points along the way. I'm thankful for Snowbird and the community of people I'm able to spend the summer with, and how amazing of an environment it is to grow and learn in. I'm thankful for my campers, who probably teach me more than I teach them.

The phrase "Sun Stand Still" has really been stuck in my brain all week as well. A conversation with a friend on staff made me think of a sermon series from Elevation Church that I listened to when I was closing at Coldstone with a girl I didn't like a couple years ago. About having audacious faith and not being afraid to pray for HUGE things from a God who works miracles, like making the sun literally stand still in the sky (Joshua 10). I've found myself praying for the sun to stand still in the lives of a couple people this week - current campers, past campers, staff and friends. It's a cool analogy.

On a more pathetic note, I am terrible at spider solitare. I've played 12 games in the last week (camp internet is lame) and won 0 - I'm a failure.

week 1!

This weekend, I'm in Clemson with three of the most amazing girls ever, so thankful that I live close enough to be able to come here for a couple days. I LOVE camp, but sometimes it's nice to be able to get away and recharge. Plus, a shower, laundry, Crosspoint and Groucho's are also in the deal which makes it even sweeter. Tonight, we went to Anderson for dinner, went with Elizabeth to get her tattoo (where I took a nice nap on the couch) and went swimming in the Berkeley pool. Such a fun night.

I really enjoyed this week. I worked with Faith Baptist, a church I recognized from last summer but had never really interacted with before, and they were great. This week was undoubtedly a crazy one, but I think it really helped a lot of the staff realize that we are GOING to have situations that are out of our control and that we're not going to make it through the summer by relying on our own strength and abilities.

I've been reading Ecclesiastes for the last three weeks. It's good stuff. It's really applicable to my mindset towards the summer in addition to just being solid truth for life in general. Solomon pretty much talks about two worldviews - looking at things from an earthly perspective and a heavenly one, and how if we're just examining life from a view "under the sun" it's inevitable that we'll fall into the trap of thinking life is nothing more than an endless cycle of repetitive routines... but if we look at it from a perspective bigger than ourselves, we can see that God is constantly working in different ways and makings things new.
That's really important to keep in mind when it comes to something like camp. It would be all to easy to get caught up in the routines of a camp week. Same schedule, same sermons, same recs, even the same meals... but that's the earthly perspective. On the other hand, we have different kids come in every week. Students with different backgrounds, different stories, and different personalities. God is working in their lives in completely different ways, and is going to both teach us and use us in drastically different ways throughout the summer... so really, it's never going to be the same.

Because I'm in Clemson, the fact that I'm in the middle of the summer and in the middle of camp doesn't really seem real right now.

so far, part II

hey internet. matthew stephens is graciously allowing me to use his laptop while he reads his novel-letter from emily clardy. i had zero motivation to go get my own laptop out of my car.

Our first campers come in less than a week. Last year, i was wondering how in the world they could have two weeks of stuff to teach us in preparation for campers, and this summer it feels like such a time crunch to get everything done! Monday we went on the river to act as dummies for the new guides and we've done a lot of various work and cleaning projects around camp, and had a few solid hours of teaching and training at night.

tonight is SKATE NIGHT. reminds me of those couple nights freshman year when we went skating in Anderson. I miss the Clemson crew a lot. I wouldn't necessarily say i'm homesick, but i think this year i have more of a home to be sick for, if that makes sense. I think having something to look forward to will make it easier to leave once the summer ends, but at the same time, i don't even want to think about that yet - staff training isn't even over!

so far, the tiredness hasn't really hit me like it has a lot of people... but I also think I did better with it last summer than a large chunk of people. Yesterday was probably the worst day so far, but last night i went to bed a little after midnight, woke up on my own at 5 this morning (over an hour before my alarm!) and have had so much energy today. God is an amazing sustainer through the summer in light of our ridiculous schedule and lack of sleep.

those of you who have sent me letters, pictures and cards - you're amazing and i love you guys a lot. Hearing that people are praying for me and my friends here is a huge encouragement.

so far

It's the morning of the fourth day of staff training. Day Four already? this summer is going to fly by. I know that this is almost certainly going to be the last summer I can spend here, so I'm trying to make a conscious effort to savor every moment of it.. even moments that come BEFORE 7am like this one.

My friend Logan is letting me use her laptop for a few minutes to make sure I'm safe from "Clemson Nursing Crisis 2010" (don't worry - Kathleen and I are both good and still have the schedule we signed up for... PTL)

This summer has been a lot different for me so far for a number of reasons. It's strange at first being with a whole new group of staff. It's making me miss friends from last summer who aren't here now. I'm site leader for-skeet shooting (which we've spent the last three days learning) and I'm also working missions, which we start training on this afternoon. I'm not quite sure what all missions is going to entail, but I'm excited to find out. It seems like I'm working with really great groups. I like my small group a lot too - awesome.

It's been a little awkward to relearn the schedule, relearn the routine, and find a system of doing things that works best for me as far as waking up, getinng ready and the most convenient method of storage (AKA living out of my car again - it's pretty sweet)

If you were here last summer and are reading this at home now - miss you guys. Clemson, I still miss you too. Start off the summer strong wherever you are so you can finish strong, even though that seems like forever away. It'll fly by.