retrospect

I realized that I never posted this, even though I wrote it back in August. better late than never :)


I've flipped through my camp notebook plenty of times since I've been back in civilization, each time thinking that I want to somehow take everything I said and thought and wrote and combine it into one long jumble, more for myself than anyone else. It doesn't seem real to me that I've just spent eleven weeks of my life completely removed from my normal surroundings and immersed in an environment that's such a disconnect from reality here. Kathleen and I were talking on the way home, as we passed Oconee Medical Center and saw a powerwalker that reminded us of Nate Evens, how nobody is capable of understanding a summer at Snowbird unless they've personally experienced it. I don't mean this in an overdramatic teenage girl kind of way (and by the way, I am officially free to make teenager jokes now that I have said goodbye to ninteen) but in a sincere kind of way. As much as we talk to our friends about the rodeo, and crack jokes about black hoodies, or complain about cardboard pizza, or attempt to explain Kahuna's analogies, it's simply not something that can be fully understand by people who haven't been with us every step of the way.
I'm really thankful to have people at Clemson, and close to Clemson, who have that shared experience so I don't feel as much like an island this year.
[end rabbit trail #1]

One thing I've come to learn is that I'm a processer. Sometimes I need time to mentally sort through things before I am capable of giving an adequate response to them. One weekend this summer, I went to see Toy Story 3 after having a long, serious conversation with a friend. I don't remember anything about that movie to be honest because my mind wouldn't stop arguing with itself. During camp, there is rarely an opportunity to have uninterrupted thinking time. When I was in Cola, I divided my time between unpacking/packing and trying to squeeze in quality time with a lot of people, and so I'd been continuing in the style of being busy all the time. So here I am, (only?) two weeks later, back in Clemson and finally getting a chance to catch my breath.
[false statement. "real" nursing school has started, and I'm about to start drowning again]

moral of the story: i love Snowbird. and as uncertain as I am at this point about whether or not the summer I just finished will be my last. I am thankful for every part of it, good and bad. And there was definitely a fair share of both of those moments. I know the ministry at SWO is focused on ministering to the students who come each week, but I know I haven't left either of these summers the same.

If I had to choose what I think I'm going to take away from this summer, it could be summed up in one simple but loaded word: LOVE. I wrote about it earlier in the summer, but over the last four weeks, I kept coming back to that same concept. Sometimes it takes me awhile to catch on when God is trying to teach me something. One of the passages that we unpacked in staff church over the last few weeks of camp was Romans 12.

"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer"

Loving other people with the same, GENUINE love that's been shown to me is not something I'm good at. I actually don't think there are many, if any, people who can say they've truly mastered that art. But God's love isn't contingent on human attitudes or actions and i know mine is, unfortunately. I think acknowledging that is the first step to attempting to allow the love that God has shown to me to be channeled to the rest of my people in my life. For elaboration, read the note before this one.

One other point that was reiterated time after time at camp was that we may not really know how the summer shaped us until weeks or even months back in the real world. If that's the case, which I believe it is, maybe I'll revisit this in the middle of the semester. One thing that was said to me on the last day of SWO9, that I repeated to my campers almost every week this summer, and am now constantly reminding myself is that the God of Andrews, NC is the SAME God that's in Clemson, SC and to the ends of the earth. Ministry is found everywhere, not just on the busses that came to us every Monday afternoon.