look who is going to be a lion for Halloween!
(also, look who is staying with me until Wednesday while her mom is out of town!)
10.30.2011
9.20.2011
oh hey fall
I did a pretty good job of blogging last semester.
This semester, not so much.
I just took my second test of the semester. Most people don't have class on test days - "most" does not apply to nursing classes. Two hours of lecture, and another test tomorrow that I have yet to even download the study guide for. All I want to do right now is nap.
No motivation. None at all.
Camp ended well. I think I am done with Snowbird. Not in a negative way, but I feel a lot of closure. I was ready to be done by the end of the summer, and excited about returning to Clemson. I love Clemson, and so far, I love this year. Senior year is a lot more chill than Junior year (once again, tack a "so far" on the end of that, and disregard that statement in reference to this week). I only have three classes, all of which are moderately enjoyable.
I just looked at my study guide. Now I really, really want a nap.
This semester, not so much.
I just took my second test of the semester. Most people don't have class on test days - "most" does not apply to nursing classes. Two hours of lecture, and another test tomorrow that I have yet to even download the study guide for. All I want to do right now is nap.
No motivation. None at all.
Camp ended well. I think I am done with Snowbird. Not in a negative way, but I feel a lot of closure. I was ready to be done by the end of the summer, and excited about returning to Clemson. I love Clemson, and so far, I love this year. Senior year is a lot more chill than Junior year (once again, tack a "so far" on the end of that, and disregard that statement in reference to this week). I only have three classes, all of which are moderately enjoyable.
I just looked at my study guide. Now I really, really want a nap.
7.16.2011
cousins
The picture on the left was taken about seventeen years ago. Really, the only reference point I have to that date is the fact that Anna is a baby. Today, my cousin Ashley got married. She's the one in the wedding dress, obviously. Last night, it was used in the slideshow and we decided that it was time for an update, after laughing a little bit about the baggy sweaters and outdated hairstyles. I like the way it turned out.
7.10.2011
week six
my laptop died. this has not been my summer for technology. in addition to being just plain frustrating, this has been a severe hindrance to my blogging capabilities. I'm going to Clemson on Thursday, so ideally CCIT will be able to revive it.
This week, I worked with girls from Andrews and a couple surrounding areas. Monday was my birthday, and the week started off as quite a challenge. If I have learned anything this week, it's how much this town desperately needs Jesus, and the obligation we have as a ministry to reach out to this community. But despite a rocky start, the week ended really well.
Next week, FBC Lexington, a church I claim to be my "home church" by camp standards, is coming and I am SO EXCITED. This week is one that I have looked forward to the last three summers, seeing a taste of home and being generally encouraged by familiar faces. This will be the fifth time I have been able to work with this group when you combine summers and winter retreats, and each time is always a blast.
Last night, I got a text from one of my campers who informed me that a chaperone from the church had unexpectedly passed away. Both he and his son were supposed to come to camp on Monday. While the church's plans to come to camp haven't changed to my knowledge, I do anticipate this having a huge impact on these students' week at camp and providing an additional challenge for the staff assigned. So, if you guys are keeping up with this at all this summer, please please be in prayer for me and for the other staff I will be working with this week, that we will be able to minister well to these guys and girls and be able to encourage them through the time immediately following the death of one of their leaders.
We have three more weeks here and it's going by so fast.
This week, I worked with girls from Andrews and a couple surrounding areas. Monday was my birthday, and the week started off as quite a challenge. If I have learned anything this week, it's how much this town desperately needs Jesus, and the obligation we have as a ministry to reach out to this community. But despite a rocky start, the week ended really well.
Next week, FBC Lexington, a church I claim to be my "home church" by camp standards, is coming and I am SO EXCITED. This week is one that I have looked forward to the last three summers, seeing a taste of home and being generally encouraged by familiar faces. This will be the fifth time I have been able to work with this group when you combine summers and winter retreats, and each time is always a blast.
Last night, I got a text from one of my campers who informed me that a chaperone from the church had unexpectedly passed away. Both he and his son were supposed to come to camp on Monday. While the church's plans to come to camp haven't changed to my knowledge, I do anticipate this having a huge impact on these students' week at camp and providing an additional challenge for the staff assigned. So, if you guys are keeping up with this at all this summer, please please be in prayer for me and for the other staff I will be working with this week, that we will be able to minister well to these guys and girls and be able to encourage them through the time immediately following the death of one of their leaders.
We have three more weeks here and it's going by so fast.
6.26.2011
eastlake!
I honestly have very little to add to what I posted earlier in the week, but if my goal is consistency in blogging then I can't afford to take a day off. I spent the week with Eastlake, which was amazing. I think this summer is shaping up to be one of my favorites so far, at least when it comes to church groups. They are from Irmo so it was great to spend time with a little bit of home, considering four of my girls were from Ben Lippen. And in addition to hometown campers were some awesome friends who came back to visit this week... specific Mindy Johnson and Matt Stephens :)
Snowbird is still amazing and continually grows me, stretches me, frustrates me and challenges me. There are certain things I miss more about home this year than in summers before, but I am still thankful for my time here. I am excited to spend time with Rachel, and clardy, and Jesy, and Laura, and Anna next year, for CP group and my washing machine and shower, for Chickfila and Starbucks. But I am certainly not ready to leave here yet.
Next week I am working with a brand new group from good ol' Chester, SC (well, Heath Springs, but close enough!
Snowbird is still amazing and continually grows me, stretches me, frustrates me and challenges me. There are certain things I miss more about home this year than in summers before, but I am still thankful for my time here. I am excited to spend time with Rachel, and clardy, and Jesy, and Laura, and Anna next year, for CP group and my washing machine and shower, for Chickfila and Starbucks. But I am certainly not ready to leave here yet.
Next week I am working with a brand new group from good ol' Chester, SC (well, Heath Springs, but close enough!
6.22.2011
Oh Maslow.
I find as the summer goes on, I typically lose much of my motivation to sit down and unpack events of the previous week(s). The last two and a half weeks at snowbird have been great, and the more time I spend here, the more confident that I am exactly where I need to be for the next six weeks. This summer is flying by, which brings a weird mix of sadness and excitement. I have gotten to do a surprising amount of nursing things, really just to the extent of ACE bandaging about every body part possible and answering questions about things I really know little of.
I have attempted to write this post a couple times (on my phone, I might add) and my Blogger app keeps erasing it. Dumb. So here is take three:
One thing that has been on my mind a lot over the last few days is the difference between nursing school and snowbird, and the conflicting views of interaction and the hierarchy of needs. Last semester I took an entire course on therapeutic communication, learning what to and not to say in an instance of counsel. While we did discuss spiritual concepts, the primary focus was on physical and emotional needs - how to talk through various situations, placate chaotic circumstances, and basically just make people feel better. It has been a challenge to reconcile what I have been taught and tested on this year with the camp mentality, where regardless of the original motive for conversation, the end topic is always the student's spiritual condition. This year, I have grown unaccustomed to that intentional steering of conversation. Don't get me wrong: I fully believe that examining each situation through the lens of one's faith and salvation is imperative, and the most important factor in any conversation. I am simply stating that, after taking Psychosocial nursing, it is hard when a camper comes to talk to me about a situation at home, with friends and family, and various other struggles, to not automatically approach it from the nursing perspective I have become so familiar with.
I think it boils down to simply remembering that Maslow's hierarchy of needs is crap from a Christian perspective. It's the same concept as mission trips: what good is meeting physical and emotional needs if you are not sharing Jesus? I think that is a perspective that, in a lot of ways, I lost with nursing. Camp is a good reminder to explore that balance, and to remember that ultimately, the only thing that will ever hold eternal value is where that kid stands with Christ. Giving them encouragement on how to cope with their parents' divorce is secondary to that, although nursing school teaches a completely different philosophy.
Also. Send me mail.
5.21.2011
end of the world, long swim saturday
The first week of camp has essentially gone the same way as most weeks at camp - halfway feeling like monday was months ago, the other half wondering how the days roll by so fast.
I think it's true that nobody can truly understand a summer at Snowbird without actually experiencing it, and it's true that the volume of shared experiences here have the ability to bring a seemingly random group of people together in ways that normal, day to day interactions don't have the potential to do. I love it here, and I love the way I have seen the staff come together to form a community that I never anticipated could be attained this quickly among a group of people that, at this time last week, were almost complete strangers.
This summer, I am working skeet shooting again, which is a blast as always. I am also guiding rafting trips on the Nantahala River this summer, which is a little intimidating but SO FUN. Today we did a river guide tradition called the "long swim" - essentially a way to teach us compassion for those who fall in the balmy, 48 degree water and to heighten our confidence in being in refreshing swift water. But I loooooooooove the river already, despite sore muscles and some pretty sweet bruises :) But in general, camp is great, and the process of adaptation to being here has come quickly... and for that, I am thankful. I am blessed with an incredible small group, and I can't wait to spend the summer with them and with both old and new friends that I get to live and serve with this summer.
One thing that has really served as an encouragement to me this week is Isaiah 55:8-9.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
There are certain things about camp that have not quite gone the way I have expected. Certain things about life, actually, are not really in that exact neat, orderly position I would have chosen. I am not sure how this verse popped into my mind, or who pointed it out to me, but I know how much of both an encouragement and reminder it has provided since being here. The plans that I have for myself, for my friends, for my campers are absolutely nothing in comparison to the thoughts and the plans and the ways of my God. The more I grow, the more I have found those two lines merging, but I still am learning that I am not exactly the one who gets to call the shots as much as I still fight for that control. There are a couple situations that I honestly have no idea how they are going to look in a few months and am faithfully curious to see where the trail is at the end of these eleven weeks. It would be easy to panic right now, to constantly try to figure out the mind of God, but I am at the point where i KNOW i need to patient, because God's plans are so much better than what I could imagine. This summer is going to be a wild ride. But in the same way that I have learned to jam my Chacos against the sides of the raft and brace myself so I don't go flying in the rapids, I'm ready and excited to sit tight, hold on, and enjoy the ride.
Megan Bentley says I have to mention her in my blog. I think she's pretty cool. Actually, i think she's the coolest person ever and i definitely want to be like her when i'm older ;)
(for the record, Megan typed that last sentence. I just corrected the grammar)
I think it's true that nobody can truly understand a summer at Snowbird without actually experiencing it, and it's true that the volume of shared experiences here have the ability to bring a seemingly random group of people together in ways that normal, day to day interactions don't have the potential to do. I love it here, and I love the way I have seen the staff come together to form a community that I never anticipated could be attained this quickly among a group of people that, at this time last week, were almost complete strangers.
This summer, I am working skeet shooting again, which is a blast as always. I am also guiding rafting trips on the Nantahala River this summer, which is a little intimidating but SO FUN. Today we did a river guide tradition called the "long swim" - essentially a way to teach us compassion for those who fall in the balmy, 48 degree water and to heighten our confidence in being in refreshing swift water. But I loooooooooove the river already, despite sore muscles and some pretty sweet bruises :) But in general, camp is great, and the process of adaptation to being here has come quickly... and for that, I am thankful. I am blessed with an incredible small group, and I can't wait to spend the summer with them and with both old and new friends that I get to live and serve with this summer.
One thing that has really served as an encouragement to me this week is Isaiah 55:8-9.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."
There are certain things about camp that have not quite gone the way I have expected. Certain things about life, actually, are not really in that exact neat, orderly position I would have chosen. I am not sure how this verse popped into my mind, or who pointed it out to me, but I know how much of both an encouragement and reminder it has provided since being here. The plans that I have for myself, for my friends, for my campers are absolutely nothing in comparison to the thoughts and the plans and the ways of my God. The more I grow, the more I have found those two lines merging, but I still am learning that I am not exactly the one who gets to call the shots as much as I still fight for that control. There are a couple situations that I honestly have no idea how they are going to look in a few months and am faithfully curious to see where the trail is at the end of these eleven weeks. It would be easy to panic right now, to constantly try to figure out the mind of God, but I am at the point where i KNOW i need to patient, because God's plans are so much better than what I could imagine. This summer is going to be a wild ride. But in the same way that I have learned to jam my Chacos against the sides of the raft and brace myself so I don't go flying in the rapids, I'm ready and excited to sit tight, hold on, and enjoy the ride.
Megan Bentley says I have to mention her in my blog. I think she's pretty cool. Actually, i think she's the coolest person ever and i definitely want to be like her when i'm older ;)
(for the record, Megan typed that last sentence. I just corrected the grammar)
5.17.2011
Day 1
While I don't really anticipate remaining consistent in blogging at all over the summer, I figured I better take advantage of the short-lived opportunity while I dug my laptop out to be responsible and pay my water bill.
I definitely think this has been the hardest beginning of camp I have ever had, even though I really only have two others to compare it to. On Friday, I went to see my friends at Clemson graduate, and then went straight to Toccoa to see my friend Jesy Cordle graduate and spend the weekend with her with her before she left for Utah. I feel like that time was so jam packed that yesterday, the chill first day of staff training, was the first opportunity I got to really process the weight of those goodbyes and knowing how different life will be in August, and it was not exactly an ideal way to start staff training.
I think more than anything, what I am realizing right now is that that this world is really not my home, and what the placement and role of God is in goodbyes. And how times like this make it so obvious that we were made for more than this world, for a final time where we won't be separated from people we love. Whether it's just separation from Clemson for the summer, from Lexington by living at school, or by friends who are called far away from South Carolina. I don't want to be separated from people I love by death or distance. I don't want to do goodbyes. I have so many more thoughts about this right now, but not enough time to adequately explain them, and honestly, not enough brain power either.
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."- CS Lewis
I love you guys. For those of you asking for my camp address (and even those who aren't but I might be able to convince to send me mail by posting it) it's
Sarah Strickland
75 Mae Johnson Way
Andrews, NC 28901
and I really, really, really like mail.
I definitely think this has been the hardest beginning of camp I have ever had, even though I really only have two others to compare it to. On Friday, I went to see my friends at Clemson graduate, and then went straight to Toccoa to see my friend Jesy Cordle graduate and spend the weekend with her with her before she left for Utah. I feel like that time was so jam packed that yesterday, the chill first day of staff training, was the first opportunity I got to really process the weight of those goodbyes and knowing how different life will be in August, and it was not exactly an ideal way to start staff training.
I think more than anything, what I am realizing right now is that that this world is really not my home, and what the placement and role of God is in goodbyes. And how times like this make it so obvious that we were made for more than this world, for a final time where we won't be separated from people we love. Whether it's just separation from Clemson for the summer, from Lexington by living at school, or by friends who are called far away from South Carolina. I don't want to be separated from people I love by death or distance. I don't want to do goodbyes. I have so many more thoughts about this right now, but not enough time to adequately explain them, and honestly, not enough brain power either.
"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."- CS Lewis
I love you guys. For those of you asking for my camp address (and even those who aren't but I might be able to convince to send me mail by posting it) it's
Sarah Strickland
75 Mae Johnson Way
Andrews, NC 28901
and I really, really, really like mail.
5.09.2011
creeping closer.
MY BEST FRIEND IS A COVERGIRL.
How sweet is that?
I miss her.
The previous two summers, I have had roughly two weeks between moving home from Clemson and packing up and heading up to camp. This year, however, Clemson shifted our semester a week forward, leaving me with only three full days in Lexington. In actuality, I have a full week, but I am choosing to cut it shorter due to graduations and spending some time in Clemson and Toccoa, but I am realizing how hectic of a week I have set myself up for. I might lose my mind.
Exactly one week from now, I will be sitting in the Coop, either listening to Brody speak or mingling with the people who will quickly become like a family before the summer ends. I am fighting to find excitement for it. That's not really strange for me, just because I am never really a fan of change, and would always be more content to stay in the current chapter instead of jumping forward. I am not doubting my call to be at Snowbird this summer; I am confident in where I am supposed to be. I'm not having second thoughts. I know there are plenty of people well-deserving of the spot on staff that I have, and I wouldn't selfishly keep a spot if I didn't want it.
I know that if you ask me a month from now, I will be loving every second of it, and will fill nearly every conversation with camp stories. But right now, I am still associating the beginning of camp with the uncomfortable number of goodbyes I will have to say in the preceding days, and right now, I would be content with that time never coming.
I am fighting to want the week between now and camp to speed up.
How sweet is that?
I miss her.
The previous two summers, I have had roughly two weeks between moving home from Clemson and packing up and heading up to camp. This year, however, Clemson shifted our semester a week forward, leaving me with only three full days in Lexington. In actuality, I have a full week, but I am choosing to cut it shorter due to graduations and spending some time in Clemson and Toccoa, but I am realizing how hectic of a week I have set myself up for. I might lose my mind.
Exactly one week from now, I will be sitting in the Coop, either listening to Brody speak or mingling with the people who will quickly become like a family before the summer ends. I am fighting to find excitement for it. That's not really strange for me, just because I am never really a fan of change, and would always be more content to stay in the current chapter instead of jumping forward. I am not doubting my call to be at Snowbird this summer; I am confident in where I am supposed to be. I'm not having second thoughts. I know there are plenty of people well-deserving of the spot on staff that I have, and I wouldn't selfishly keep a spot if I didn't want it.
I know that if you ask me a month from now, I will be loving every second of it, and will fill nearly every conversation with camp stories. But right now, I am still associating the beginning of camp with the uncomfortable number of goodbyes I will have to say in the preceding days, and right now, I would be content with that time never coming.
I am fighting to want the week between now and camp to speed up.
5.03.2011
the repercussions of finals week on the human mind
Finals week. Never a happy time during one's college career. We will never be friends. I always hate it when people ask me if I am surviving finals week. Of course I am surviving. I am standing here talking to you - now could a corpse do that? I don't think so. Question answered.
1. I have been introduced to many new methods of procrastination. While I have still been maintaining adequate study time, maybe even to the point of excessive, I have also discovered many ways to stay sane while staring at a laptop screen for a majority of the day. If anyone is looking for procrastination methods, here are some of my personal favorites. Don't hate me when you don't get anything else done tonight.
Dear Blank, Please Blank, Tetris Friends, Awkward Family Photos, People of Walmart, StumbleUpon, Not Always Right, Gives Me Hope, Six Billion Secrets
2. My iTunes library. I'm pretty sure every song currently on my computer can fit into one of four categories.
1) sappy love songs
2) sad goodbyes
3) "hey life sucks, but suck it up, you can do it!"
4) dying babies
This is the downfall of nuking your harddrive.
3. I got a camelbak last weekend. Thanks mom. I've filled it up about four times today, maintianing adequate hydration during this finals week. All while reading about water intoxication and diabetes insipidus. Sorry, kidneys. Sorry, electrolytes. You're welcome, baroreceptors
4. I hope "where were you when you found out Bin Laden was dead" doesn't become one of those life-defining questions that my grandkids are going to ask me one day a la "Where were you on September 11th?" Because, let's be honest, I would probably lie, and not say that I was studying MedSurg in the Holmes Basement until my brain started leaking, and paying minimal attention to the news.
5. I saw a CAT bus pulled by not one, not two, but THREE cop cars, a sketchy looking man dragged off, handcuffed, and put in a cop car. Of course, this observation might have come about from more than one drive-by.
6. "I just turned in my application for death and dying" - Laura McLachlan
1. I have been introduced to many new methods of procrastination. While I have still been maintaining adequate study time, maybe even to the point of excessive, I have also discovered many ways to stay sane while staring at a laptop screen for a majority of the day. If anyone is looking for procrastination methods, here are some of my personal favorites. Don't hate me when you don't get anything else done tonight.
Dear Blank, Please Blank, Tetris Friends, Awkward Family Photos, People of Walmart, StumbleUpon, Not Always Right, Gives Me Hope, Six Billion Secrets
2. My iTunes library. I'm pretty sure every song currently on my computer can fit into one of four categories.
1) sappy love songs
2) sad goodbyes
3) "hey life sucks, but suck it up, you can do it!"
4) dying babies
This is the downfall of nuking your harddrive.
3. I got a camelbak last weekend. Thanks mom. I've filled it up about four times today, maintianing adequate hydration during this finals week. All while reading about water intoxication and diabetes insipidus. Sorry, kidneys. Sorry, electrolytes. You're welcome, baroreceptors
4. I hope "where were you when you found out Bin Laden was dead" doesn't become one of those life-defining questions that my grandkids are going to ask me one day a la "Where were you on September 11th?" Because, let's be honest, I would probably lie, and not say that I was studying MedSurg in the Holmes Basement until my brain started leaking, and paying minimal attention to the news.
5. I saw a CAT bus pulled by not one, not two, but THREE cop cars, a sketchy looking man dragged off, handcuffed, and put in a cop car. Of course, this observation might have come about from more than one drive-by.
6. "I just turned in my application for death and dying" - Laura McLachlan
4.30.2011
confessions of a junior II
9:25am: I have been in the library for an hour, and my productivity has been limited to facebook stalking, eating a bagel that I stole from Schiletter yesterday, making faces at Merritt Gantt, spraying myself in the face with Cherry Lemon SunDrop after learning that soda put into a camelbak is an unfortunate combination, flipping through pictures of ridiculous-looking hats from the royal wedding, finding new music to add to my currently bare and pitiful excuse of an iTunes library, and watching an episode of Rocket Power online. and, of course, blogging.
If I am going to drag myself out of bed this early, I need to make it worth it.
I brought two bagels and a lunchable with me today.
I'll be here for awhile.
Stay tuned.
11:29am: Progress. I have opened the Word Document that contains my geri final. I'll take what I can get. In other news, This new website I found is essentially the best thing that has ever happened to me... at least the best thing that's ever happened to my productivity today. If you use Google Chrome, you want to check it out. I have facebook blocked on my computer for the next six hours. Maybe I should block blogger... and my email... and websites that have pictures of hideous hats...
1:04pm: I like the abundance of free food given out in the library during finals. I'm pretty sure I could just not leave the library for the entire week and my stomach still be adequately filled.
6:54pm: In case anyone was wondering, I found my motivation. Somewhere deep in the bowels of Robert Muldrow Cooper. I hate that phrase, but given the circumstances (and the floorplan of the library) I feel it's fitting.
Geri final done.
Romans #7 almost done.
MedSurg modules done.
Study guide time...
9:01pm: Finding random Dr. Harmon quotes in the margins of my notes is making this study experience significantly better. I'm making a compilation, which is motivation to keep flipping through my notes to find all of them.
"I am jealous of people who have noncumulative finals. Just think how much easier our lives would be right now" - Laura McLachlan
9:17pm Really, Pandora? You're not helping
If I am going to drag myself out of bed this early, I need to make it worth it.
I brought two bagels and a lunchable with me today.
I'll be here for awhile.
Stay tuned.
11:29am: Progress. I have opened the Word Document that contains my geri final. I'll take what I can get. In other news, This new website I found is essentially the best thing that has ever happened to me... at least the best thing that's ever happened to my productivity today. If you use Google Chrome, you want to check it out. I have facebook blocked on my computer for the next six hours. Maybe I should block blogger... and my email... and websites that have pictures of hideous hats...
1:04pm: I like the abundance of free food given out in the library during finals. I'm pretty sure I could just not leave the library for the entire week and my stomach still be adequately filled.
6:54pm: In case anyone was wondering, I found my motivation. Somewhere deep in the bowels of Robert Muldrow Cooper. I hate that phrase, but given the circumstances (and the floorplan of the library) I feel it's fitting.
Geri final done.
Romans #7 almost done.
MedSurg modules done.
Study guide time...
9:01pm: Finding random Dr. Harmon quotes in the margins of my notes is making this study experience significantly better. I'm making a compilation, which is motivation to keep flipping through my notes to find all of them.
"I am jealous of people who have noncumulative finals. Just think how much easier our lives would be right now" - Laura McLachlan
9:17pm Really, Pandora? You're not helping
4.27.2011
a post entirely dedicated to Rachel Eckard
I forgot one important part of my last post, and I think it deserves not only an edit but an entirely new post. I am thankful that Rachel Eckard will be back in the country in a mere three months. And not only that, in the fall she will be back at Erskine, living a mere hour from me, and fifteen minutes from the hospital where I have Friday clinicals, which has some great potential.
Rachel Eckard has been my best friend for almost 21 years. I am ten days older than her, and I will never let her forget that, even though she will never let ME forget that I will hit 40 ten days before her. We celebrate our birthdays on July 9th, because it's halfway between the two. One time for Christmas, she gave me playdough, another time she gave me a plastic model of Larry the Cucumber with interchangeable hats. In both instances, we were in high school. We went to college an hour away from each other, figured out where halfway was, and took advantage of the potential for regular lunch dates. I even ate dinner at her house on steak night once, and that's a big deal.
I am very much looking forward to her coming home so that halfway dates will be reinstated, I can call her and talk to her right then instead of waiting for an email reply or setting up a skype date with the hassle of a major time difference, and I will not have to miss her so much anymore.
4.25.2011
life is like a chapter book...
(... and it would be so much more fun if it was a picture book instead!)
Today marks the beginning of the last week of classes. (I am sincerely wondering if my blogging habit will be maintained once I am done with Psychosocial and Health Promotion?) I had a MedSurg test this morning, KAPLAN this afternoon, a make-up clinical tomorrow along with a pile of paperwork to complete before then, a research critique, final skills check for SIMlab, a research final and a gerontology final, all due this week.
Ready, Set, Go.
Staff training starts approximately three weeks from NOW. While I really am excited, a lot has to happen between now and then - a lot that I am not particularly excited about. I have a to-do list that could probably match Santa Claus's. I have to do a clean sweep of my room and pack... and unpack... and repack... and re-unpack... and shuffle boxes between Clemson and Lexington and Andrews. I have to survive four daunting FINALS. Then we hit what I'm undoubtedly dreading the most - graduations and goodbyes. And while I am incredibly excited for my friends who have faithfully completed their degree or other calling here and are weeks away from spreading out all over the world, I have a certain image and premonition of how empty Clemson will feel for my senior year.
Anyone who knows me well knows that transition and I are not exactly friends. I am adaptable, I am confident in that. But the process of adaptation, the times of transition and getting used to a new environment, I don't like it. Especially now, because it feels like it's such a misplaced transition time. I'm not graduating. I'm not leaving. This is not the end of my story here. It's not a natural phase-out like graduating, or even like leaving a summer at Snowbird. But the fact that it's time for so many of the people I love to close out this chapter of life is turning it into a period of transition for me at a time where it is not a natural ending. I think it would be different if I was graduating too, if I had new and exciting things to move on to instead of another year of nursing school without a huge chunk of the community I've been blessed with at Clemson.
However, I do know it's a lot easier to focus on the negative instead of being grateful that people like Emily Clardy and Elizabeth Hughes and even Anna will be around. And that this time next year, I will be hopefully be writing about faithfully finishing out MY four years, post-graduation plans, and other things of the "new and exciting" variety. But for now, I have to wait it out, and trust how God is going to provide next year in the area of friendships and community. Next year is going to be substantially different than what I have known my first three years of college, and I think fear of the unknown is playing huge into my general attitude toward my Junior year ending.
Sometimes I think the time leading up to transition, the anticipation of change, and the subconscious fear that God is not going to provide just well in the "new" as in the familiar is almost more difficult than when it comes time to actually close the chapter.
Today marks the beginning of the last week of classes. (I am sincerely wondering if my blogging habit will be maintained once I am done with Psychosocial and Health Promotion?) I had a MedSurg test this morning, KAPLAN this afternoon, a make-up clinical tomorrow along with a pile of paperwork to complete before then, a research critique, final skills check for SIMlab, a research final and a gerontology final, all due this week.
Ready, Set, Go.
Staff training starts approximately three weeks from NOW. While I really am excited, a lot has to happen between now and then - a lot that I am not particularly excited about. I have a to-do list that could probably match Santa Claus's. I have to do a clean sweep of my room and pack... and unpack... and repack... and re-unpack... and shuffle boxes between Clemson and Lexington and Andrews. I have to survive four daunting FINALS. Then we hit what I'm undoubtedly dreading the most - graduations and goodbyes. And while I am incredibly excited for my friends who have faithfully completed their degree or other calling here and are weeks away from spreading out all over the world, I have a certain image and premonition of how empty Clemson will feel for my senior year.
Anyone who knows me well knows that transition and I are not exactly friends. I am adaptable, I am confident in that. But the process of adaptation, the times of transition and getting used to a new environment, I don't like it. Especially now, because it feels like it's such a misplaced transition time. I'm not graduating. I'm not leaving. This is not the end of my story here. It's not a natural phase-out like graduating, or even like leaving a summer at Snowbird. But the fact that it's time for so many of the people I love to close out this chapter of life is turning it into a period of transition for me at a time where it is not a natural ending. I think it would be different if I was graduating too, if I had new and exciting things to move on to instead of another year of nursing school without a huge chunk of the community I've been blessed with at Clemson.
However, I do know it's a lot easier to focus on the negative instead of being grateful that people like Emily Clardy and Elizabeth Hughes and even Anna will be around. And that this time next year, I will be hopefully be writing about faithfully finishing out MY four years, post-graduation plans, and other things of the "new and exciting" variety. But for now, I have to wait it out, and trust how God is going to provide next year in the area of friendships and community. Next year is going to be substantially different than what I have known my first three years of college, and I think fear of the unknown is playing huge into my general attitude toward my Junior year ending.
Sometimes I think the time leading up to transition, the anticipation of change, and the subconscious fear that God is not going to provide just well in the "new" as in the familiar is almost more difficult than when it comes time to actually close the chapter.
4.20.2011
A blog about Jesy Cordle
This blog post is about my dear friend, Jesy Cordle . Right now, I am sitting less than two feet away from her, and she will not talk to me, so it's a super awkward silence. And secretly, I'm wondering, with her persistent blog stalking, how long it will take for her to read this post and make a comment about it. Because then, she will actually have to verbally communicate with me! yay!
Jesy and Megan. I love you two. please communicate with each other, if not for your sake, than for mine.
Jesy and Megan. I love you two. please communicate with each other, if not for your sake, than for mine.
4.14.2011
when i am an idiot
I have to be incredibly careful in writing this, I am very conscious of that. My goal here is not anything other than to share what I am learning and hope that maybe, just maybe, it can be used to encourage and/or teach someone else. It is not to make myself look good (which I'm pretty sure is going to be impossible if you keep reading) or with the hopes that any specific person will read this. Here goes.
Every year for camp, we read a book and write chapter summaries on it. My first summer, I didn't get the book in the mail until three days before it was due, the week before finals - so I will more than readily admit I didn't get as much out of the book as I could and should have. Last summer, I was more responsible in reading it with good intentions, but the book that was chosen really served more as a motivator to increase our faith both in ourselves and in the students we would work with than anything else. This summer, we are going through the book of Romans together, which has been SO good. It's nice to have the accountability of having to turn a section in every week, despite being pretty hectic to get everything completed sometimes. Regardless, I am really enjoying it.
But if our unrighteousness serves to show the righteousness of God, what shall we say? That God is unrighteous to inflict wrath on us? (I speak in a human way) By no means! For then how could God judge the world? But if through my lie God’s truth abounds to his glory, why am I still being condemned as a sinner? And why not do evil that good may come?—as some people slanderously charge us with saying. Their condemnation is just. (Romans 3:5-8)
This is what I went over today, and this is what I NEEDED to chew on today. It's a little bit of a counterargument to earlier context, but Paul is basically answering the question of "Well, if my unrighteousness will demonstrate God's righteousness, then how can God judge me?... since my sin is still bringing Him glory, and still a part of His plan?"
This is kind of the same train of thought that I could see Judas using when he was defending himself, when being confronted about betraying Jesus. "Look, I know that I messed up, I know that I sinned, but You used it for good.. I mean, if I hadn't have done this, then Jesus wouldn't have died on the cross, I helped carry out the plan." But, this isn't a correct way to reason it. God did use Judas' betrayal for his ultimate good, but it was still wrong, regardless of how it incorporated into God's plan. He doesn't deserve any credit for the fact that God still used his wickedness for good.
I am looking at this in the way that it applies to my life right now, because this is where I'm at right now, it's where my mind is taking this, and a way that I can make this uncomfortably applicable to the here and now. Maybe I am twisting what Paul meant by this.
Recently, I got caught being deceptive and dishonest in a friendship.As much of a mess as it was and continues to be, and as bad as I feel about it, I am confident that my mistakes ultimately are in the process of being turned to good. I was dumb, and I hurt my friend with no excuses. But on the flip side, my snooping led to sin being revealed in the life of someone I care a whole lot about, and the beginnings of that being addressed and worked through instead of remaining hidden.
As much as I don't want to to be like this, and know it shouldn't be like this, my attitude the last few days has been faulting towards one of wrongly feeling like I was "helping" the work that God is doing in her life, and that somehow justified what I did. I know in theory how wrong that is, but that doesn't mean my thinking wasn't going in that direction regardless. I do believe that God used my screw-ups for sanctification in the life of someone else, and I think He does that on a regular basis, not just exclusively in this situation. But the fact that I can visibly see how God is using this for good doesn't excuse it, not one bit. The end does not justify the means in this situation. It doesn't make it okay. I first read my commentary on this, thinking Judas was an idiot for that argument. But then it hit me that I am hiding under the same defense. Yes, God used my deceit for good, and I am glad to serve a God who is in the business of turning rags into riches. But it is STILL sin, and I have no right to take any credit here for God working through me even when I make a mess of things and hurt people in the process.
I typically end my blog posts with one, thought-provoking final bang, but I'm out of ideas.
Every year for camp, we read a book and write chapter summaries on it. My first summer, I didn't get the book in the mail until three days before it was due, the week before finals - so I will more than readily admit I didn't get as much out of the book as I could and should have. Last summer, I was more responsible in reading it with good intentions, but the book that was chosen really served more as a motivator to increase our faith both in ourselves and in the students we would work with than anything else. This summer, we are going through the book of Romans together, which has been SO good. It's nice to have the accountability of having to turn a section in every week, despite being pretty hectic to get everything completed sometimes. Regardless, I am really enjoying it.
But if our unrighteousness serves to show the righteousness of God, what shall we say? That God is unrighteous to inflict wrath on us? (I speak in a human way) By no means! For then how could God judge the world? But if through my lie God’s truth abounds to his glory, why am I still being condemned as a sinner? And why not do evil that good may come?—as some people slanderously charge us with saying. Their condemnation is just. (Romans 3:5-8)
This is what I went over today, and this is what I NEEDED to chew on today. It's a little bit of a counterargument to earlier context, but Paul is basically answering the question of "Well, if my unrighteousness will demonstrate God's righteousness, then how can God judge me?... since my sin is still bringing Him glory, and still a part of His plan?"
This is kind of the same train of thought that I could see Judas using when he was defending himself, when being confronted about betraying Jesus. "Look, I know that I messed up, I know that I sinned, but You used it for good.. I mean, if I hadn't have done this, then Jesus wouldn't have died on the cross, I helped carry out the plan." But, this isn't a correct way to reason it. God did use Judas' betrayal for his ultimate good, but it was still wrong, regardless of how it incorporated into God's plan. He doesn't deserve any credit for the fact that God still used his wickedness for good.
I am looking at this in the way that it applies to my life right now, because this is where I'm at right now, it's where my mind is taking this, and a way that I can make this uncomfortably applicable to the here and now. Maybe I am twisting what Paul meant by this.
Recently, I got caught being deceptive and dishonest in a friendship.As much of a mess as it was and continues to be, and as bad as I feel about it, I am confident that my mistakes ultimately are in the process of being turned to good. I was dumb, and I hurt my friend with no excuses. But on the flip side, my snooping led to sin being revealed in the life of someone I care a whole lot about, and the beginnings of that being addressed and worked through instead of remaining hidden.
As much as I don't want to to be like this, and know it shouldn't be like this, my attitude the last few days has been faulting towards one of wrongly feeling like I was "helping" the work that God is doing in her life, and that somehow justified what I did. I know in theory how wrong that is, but that doesn't mean my thinking wasn't going in that direction regardless. I do believe that God used my screw-ups for sanctification in the life of someone else, and I think He does that on a regular basis, not just exclusively in this situation. But the fact that I can visibly see how God is using this for good doesn't excuse it, not one bit. The end does not justify the means in this situation. It doesn't make it okay. I first read my commentary on this, thinking Judas was an idiot for that argument. But then it hit me that I am hiding under the same defense. Yes, God used my deceit for good, and I am glad to serve a God who is in the business of turning rags into riches. But it is STILL sin, and I have no right to take any credit here for God working through me even when I make a mess of things and hurt people in the process.
I typically end my blog posts with one, thought-provoking final bang, but I'm out of ideas.
4.11.2011
selfless
At the beginning of March, I put a visitor counter on my blog. I've had over 700 hits in a little over a month. I never realized I was so popular :) But, in all sincerity, I do appreciate that people are actually reading what I have to say, unless you can attribute all of those page loads to a certain few stalkers :) good thing I don't know who you are.
If anyone cares to know what's been on my mind lately - along with the looming inevitability of end of school chaos - it's the question of what it truly looks like to be a selfless person, why I am all of a sudden deciding it's a concept I need to work on, and is it even practical to think that there is a possibility of growth for not just me, but for anyone in this area. Be warned, this is going to be all over the place.
I think it is not healthy to attempt to be a completely selfless person all the time. For example, my clinical group often fights over procedures and who is going to get to perform a certain skill when the opportunity arises. Would a selfless thing be to take myself out of the fight and allow my classmates to take every opportunity? Once or twice, sure. But to do that constantly, claiming nothing for myself, would be detrimental to my own training at the hospital. Follow? It's great to think of others before myself, but not to the extent of self compromise.
That's a situation that's pretty practical to understand. So, what about when it's not so cut and dry? My mind is really trying to comprehend how to apply this to a couple abstract situations, which is really my motive in writing that. The clinical example was really just a concrete transposition of the abstract. I am fighting to learn how to be understanding and compassionate in situations where I feel like my point of view is not being heard and where situation's impact on me is being disregarded. That's where I'm at right now, and it's hard. But I'm trying. And I am also trying to reconcile this with not becoming a doormat. There's a line, but where is it? Where does selfless stop and self-compromising start?
Obviously, selflessness is a desirable trait in theory, but are the actions that it takes to become this way always going to be perceived correctly? Nobody can truly know another's motives. Selflessness requires looking out for the interest of others before yourself, as long as it's not personally self-destructive - whether in action or attitude.
I think every person needs a healthy balance of selfish and selfless in their lives and there are times when these two may even overlap more than we realize.
If anyone cares to know what's been on my mind lately - along with the looming inevitability of end of school chaos - it's the question of what it truly looks like to be a selfless person, why I am all of a sudden deciding it's a concept I need to work on, and is it even practical to think that there is a possibility of growth for not just me, but for anyone in this area. Be warned, this is going to be all over the place.
I think it is not healthy to attempt to be a completely selfless person all the time. For example, my clinical group often fights over procedures and who is going to get to perform a certain skill when the opportunity arises. Would a selfless thing be to take myself out of the fight and allow my classmates to take every opportunity? Once or twice, sure. But to do that constantly, claiming nothing for myself, would be detrimental to my own training at the hospital. Follow? It's great to think of others before myself, but not to the extent of self compromise.
That's a situation that's pretty practical to understand. So, what about when it's not so cut and dry? My mind is really trying to comprehend how to apply this to a couple abstract situations, which is really my motive in writing that. The clinical example was really just a concrete transposition of the abstract. I am fighting to learn how to be understanding and compassionate in situations where I feel like my point of view is not being heard and where situation's impact on me is being disregarded. That's where I'm at right now, and it's hard. But I'm trying. And I am also trying to reconcile this with not becoming a doormat. There's a line, but where is it? Where does selfless stop and self-compromising start?
Obviously, selflessness is a desirable trait in theory, but are the actions that it takes to become this way always going to be perceived correctly? Nobody can truly know another's motives. Selflessness requires looking out for the interest of others before yourself, as long as it's not personally self-destructive - whether in action or attitude.
I think every person needs a healthy balance of selfish and selfless in their lives and there are times when these two may even overlap more than we realize.
4.01.2011
the finish line
There is just something about second semester of Junior year for me. I don't really know if patterns can be defined by just two examples, but if I remember correctly, the spring of my junior year of high school was quite a mess, in similar ways to how this semester has been. A good mess at times, a mess full of growing experiences, but a mess nonetheless. But among the mess comes a certain amount of confidence in the God who continues to take care of me, and I get to the point of not really minding that constant reminder that I can't do this alone. Life is good right now for me, really it is, but I think more and more I am realizing the brokenness of the people I am surrounded by, and that's what's getting to me. I wish that I had the capability to make things right, even though I know it's illogical to think I have any control over the circumstances in my friends' lives.
BCM was good last night. It's ironic that I picked last night to go, considering all the weeks I've skipped this semester and how much I had to get done last night. But I think what Doug talked about last night was very timely, as we are approaching the end of the semester, and was absolutely a reminder that I needed.
[Paul] said to them, "You yourselves know, from the first day that I set foot in Asia, how I was with you the whole time, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews; how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly and from house to house, solemnly testifying to both Jews and Greeks of repentance toward God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. "And now, behold, bound by the Spirit, I am on my way to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit solemnly testifies to me in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions await me. But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God. - Acts 20:18-24
A lot of us start well, excited about the future and the prospect of a new beginning. But how many of us can truly say that we end seasons of life with the same fire we started? Crunch time is beginning. Finals week is becoming more than just a distant headache, organizations are planning their final activities (all on the same weekend, I'm realizing) and friends are trying to cram in their last bits of quality time before spending days together becomes difficult or impossible. But what is going to pay the price during this increased period of business? What are we going to let slide while we fight to juggle an increasing amount of obligations? Pain is temporary, but quitting is eternal. Finishing strong, saying goodbye in good conscience, and remaining completely surrendered to God's call is not going to be an easy process, for me, or for anyone. But giving up, letting my attitude be adversely affected by the approaching end as school continues to pile up and the thought of losing friends to "growing up" is more and more on the forefront of my mind, or by slacking off and coasting both in work and relationships... the ramifications of that are final. How we choose to handle the next month is permanent.
Time is short, and I am becoming increasingly aware of that. Whether that phrase is read in context of school ending, or the general cliché meaning, it's true regardless. Let your conversations matter. Say what needs to be said, and don't waste time. Don't shrink back from saying what profitable, both for you and for others. Don't waste time on small talk, on meaningless conversation when you have the opportunity to pour into the lives of others and share the hope we have in Christ. Encourage others to fight for the same. Take advantage of this time, and REDEEM it.
(Draw an imaginary arrow from this paragraph back to the opening sentences)
Be satisfied with the way you end. And believe that the end is good.
BCM was good last night. It's ironic that I picked last night to go, considering all the weeks I've skipped this semester and how much I had to get done last night. But I think what Doug talked about last night was very timely, as we are approaching the end of the semester, and was absolutely a reminder that I needed.
[Paul] said to them, "You yourselves know, from the first day that I set foot in Asia, how I was with you the whole time, serving the Lord with all humility and with tears and with trials which came upon me through the plots of the Jews; how I did not shrink from declaring to you anything that was profitable, and teaching you publicly and from house to house, solemnly testifying to both Jews and Greeks of repentance toward God and faith in our Lord Jesus Christ. "And now, behold, bound by the Spirit, I am on my way to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there, except that the Holy Spirit solemnly testifies to me in every city, saying that bonds and afflictions await me. But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, so that I may finish my course and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God. - Acts 20:18-24
A lot of us start well, excited about the future and the prospect of a new beginning. But how many of us can truly say that we end seasons of life with the same fire we started? Crunch time is beginning. Finals week is becoming more than just a distant headache, organizations are planning their final activities (all on the same weekend, I'm realizing) and friends are trying to cram in their last bits of quality time before spending days together becomes difficult or impossible. But what is going to pay the price during this increased period of business? What are we going to let slide while we fight to juggle an increasing amount of obligations? Pain is temporary, but quitting is eternal. Finishing strong, saying goodbye in good conscience, and remaining completely surrendered to God's call is not going to be an easy process, for me, or for anyone. But giving up, letting my attitude be adversely affected by the approaching end as school continues to pile up and the thought of losing friends to "growing up" is more and more on the forefront of my mind, or by slacking off and coasting both in work and relationships... the ramifications of that are final. How we choose to handle the next month is permanent.
Time is short, and I am becoming increasingly aware of that. Whether that phrase is read in context of school ending, or the general cliché meaning, it's true regardless. Let your conversations matter. Say what needs to be said, and don't waste time. Don't shrink back from saying what profitable, both for you and for others. Don't waste time on small talk, on meaningless conversation when you have the opportunity to pour into the lives of others and share the hope we have in Christ. Encourage others to fight for the same. Take advantage of this time, and REDEEM it.
(Draw an imaginary arrow from this paragraph back to the opening sentences)
Be satisfied with the way you end. And believe that the end is good.
3.30.2011
my mother blog stalks me.
MoeJoe's has become one of my favorite places in Clemson this semester. Whether it's meeting friends for coffee, struggling over clinical paperwork, fighting for motivation to study, wishing I could pour more time into my Romans assignments for camp instead of "touchy-feely nursing" or chugging enough caffeine to make it until bedtime, I spend way too much time here. Too much money, too, but that's another story. Spring break was needed, but ultimately Clemson is home for me right now and it's nice to be back in the swing of things. I can't believe I am thinking like that, but it's definitely a welcomed train of thought. Spring break was stressful, and I think my mind is working in overdrive right now.
Last night, the topic of CP group was "Five Things I Wish I Knew Before Graduating", a very timely topic since half of our group is graduating in a little over a month. A phrase from that conversation has really been ringing in my head today (thanks Amy Chasteen!).
Who you are defines what you do.
So simple, but so loaded with truth, because I think looking at it the opposite way is such a temptation, or even a way of life for most people. It's hard not to let your identity get lost in your actions or your involvements.
I am not defined by the fact that I am a nursing student, a Clemson student, a Ben Lippen grad, a SWO staff member. I'm not defined by being Tommy and Peggy's daughter, Anna's sister, Emily's friend. I am not defined by the fact that I study too much, I trip over my own two feet constantly, I don't like to be left in the dark about things, and I can never find the right words to say. I am not defined by the ways I have messed up, by the ways I have intentionally and unintentionally hurt people, by the things I have done, or by all the ways I will mess up between now and when I go to bed tonight.
I say I know this, but knowing and acting on that knowledge are two different things.
I am going real live camping this weekend. This should be interesting. I am also slightly bummed that TOMS "One Day Without Shoes" is on a Tuesday... I don't think that would go over too well at clinical.
Last night, the topic of CP group was "Five Things I Wish I Knew Before Graduating", a very timely topic since half of our group is graduating in a little over a month. A phrase from that conversation has really been ringing in my head today (thanks Amy Chasteen!).
Who you are defines what you do.
So simple, but so loaded with truth, because I think looking at it the opposite way is such a temptation, or even a way of life for most people. It's hard not to let your identity get lost in your actions or your involvements.
I am not defined by the fact that I am a nursing student, a Clemson student, a Ben Lippen grad, a SWO staff member. I'm not defined by being Tommy and Peggy's daughter, Anna's sister, Emily's friend. I am not defined by the fact that I study too much, I trip over my own two feet constantly, I don't like to be left in the dark about things, and I can never find the right words to say. I am not defined by the ways I have messed up, by the ways I have intentionally and unintentionally hurt people, by the things I have done, or by all the ways I will mess up between now and when I go to bed tonight.
I say I know this, but knowing and acting on that knowledge are two different things.
I am going real live camping this weekend. This should be interesting. I am also slightly bummed that TOMS "One Day Without Shoes" is on a Tuesday... I don't think that would go over too well at clinical.
3.15.2011
patients and patience
I went to bed mad last night, something that is pretty abnormal for me. I woke up mad, at something other than the fact that it was at 5 in the morning, although that might have been fuel to the fire. Justifiable anger? probably. Righteous anger? probably not. Mad is gone, frustration is hesitantly leaving, and prayers for an understanding and compassionate attitude are at the very top of my list. I'm working on it.
A bad morning does not typically set the stage well for a good clinical, but this week was a surprising and welcome exception. Each week, I keep finding myself a new "favorite patient ever" and today was no exception. It's kind of incredible the amount of encouragement I sometimes get from the people I work with. How I am there with the intention of giving, but it usually ends with me receiving just as much, if not more.
Today was our first day on the oncology floor - where will tentatively be for the rest of the semester. I can't say it would be my specialty of choice, but much more enjoyable than I expected. I spent the day in the outpatient center, watching and minimally helping with chemo infusions, etc. The patient I spent the most time with was there for a bone marrow biopsy and after the (very painful looking) procedure, another student and I spent awhile sitting in his room and listening to his story, about the cancer and the platform it had given him. He talked about the importance of hope in Christ, and how integral it had been to his recovery. How we need to pray for the impossible, and have HOPE that we serve a God powerful enough to meet our needs, even when we don't quite know what they are. That's what I needed to hear today. Sometimes things seem impossible. Sometimes friends seem impossible. But my God is possible.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." - Romans 15:13
I really want Jello right now. Unfortunately, the Jello I just made will take 4-6 hours to congeal... at which time, I probably will want sleep more than I want Jello.
A bad morning does not typically set the stage well for a good clinical, but this week was a surprising and welcome exception. Each week, I keep finding myself a new "favorite patient ever" and today was no exception. It's kind of incredible the amount of encouragement I sometimes get from the people I work with. How I am there with the intention of giving, but it usually ends with me receiving just as much, if not more.
Today was our first day on the oncology floor - where will tentatively be for the rest of the semester. I can't say it would be my specialty of choice, but much more enjoyable than I expected. I spent the day in the outpatient center, watching and minimally helping with chemo infusions, etc. The patient I spent the most time with was there for a bone marrow biopsy and after the (very painful looking) procedure, another student and I spent awhile sitting in his room and listening to his story, about the cancer and the platform it had given him. He talked about the importance of hope in Christ, and how integral it had been to his recovery. How we need to pray for the impossible, and have HOPE that we serve a God powerful enough to meet our needs, even when we don't quite know what they are. That's what I needed to hear today. Sometimes things seem impossible. Sometimes friends seem impossible. But my God is possible.
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." - Romans 15:13
I really want Jello right now. Unfortunately, the Jello I just made will take 4-6 hours to congeal... at which time, I probably will want sleep more than I want Jello.
3.14.2011
Pi(e) Day
An attempt to write more is kind of worthless without material to write about. I will say in advance that this is probably going to be a rambling post to add to my methods of distraction during class. Anything significant I could write about I wouldn't write about on the internet. So ends the potential for this to turn into food for thought.
I could talk about how irritated I am that all of my friends have either had spring break already, or are currently at the beach, in other countries, sleeping past 7am and not having to struggle over research critiques, truth models and medication profiles... at least for the time being. But next week, while everyone else is dragging themselves out of bed for Monday 8am's, Clemson students will be the ones sleeping in and most certainly gloating about it.
Today during class, I have finished my patho sheet, eaten a pack of bugels, drank about half of Kathleen's nalgene as a direct result of the bugels, caught up on reading Stuff Christians Like, filled out all 3 of my March Madness Brackets - one by flipping a virtual coin - and couldn't tell you a single thing we have talked about in the hour I have been in class. C'est la vie.
I could talk about how irritated I am that all of my friends have either had spring break already, or are currently at the beach, in other countries, sleeping past 7am and not having to struggle over research critiques, truth models and medication profiles... at least for the time being. But next week, while everyone else is dragging themselves out of bed for Monday 8am's, Clemson students will be the ones sleeping in and most certainly gloating about it.
Today during class, I have finished my patho sheet, eaten a pack of bugels, drank about half of Kathleen's nalgene as a direct result of the bugels, caught up on reading Stuff Christians Like, filled out all 3 of my March Madness Brackets - one by flipping a virtual coin - and couldn't tell you a single thing we have talked about in the hour I have been in class. C'est la vie.
3.04.2011
pretty little liars
I am trying to do a good job of writing what I am thinking, mostly because of the immense value of being able to read back over it later and often, the encouragement it brings to know that I do NOT think like I did even as recently as a year ago. The other day, I rediscovered my Xanga page from my freshman year of high school. While it is much too embarrassing to publish the link, it's always encouraging to see how God has corrected my thinking and ranting, and reformed my immaturity. To an extent, at least :)
This may not make much sense, but here's an attempt. Lately, more so than ever, I have learned to really appreciate the value of truth, and how integral is really is daily interactions. When asked a question, a response can go one of two ways - truth or lie. But the question is, how often do those lines get blurred? Whether it comes in blatant lies, deceitful half-truths, or simply by silence, truth does not have near the value it should. We lie about stupid things, and about things where the truth would not even be consequential, and I am trying to wrap my mind around how that has become so accepted and common.
I don't want to be a skeptical person, but as a side note, I think I am becoming that way even in relationships not deserving of suspicion.
My most recent endeavor has been to be a more honest person (Although it may not be wise to ask Pam or Sara what might have come from that ambition yesterday). I have a reputation of being blunt, but I think that is most definitely situational. I wouldn't consider myself a pathological liar by any definition, but I so often fail when it comes to honesty. My problem is not with lying, but in avoiding topics, sugar coating things, beating around the bush, telling people what they want to hear, ignoring issues in an attempt to please others, and essentially lying by omission. Ultimately, the only person that is ever going to hurt is myself, and so goes the trial run in fixing that.
I have too often had to choose between opening my mouth and screwing myself over, or keeping my mouth shut and watching silently while other people self destruct. I would like to get to the point where I care more about people than I do about people liking me.
This may not make much sense, but here's an attempt. Lately, more so than ever, I have learned to really appreciate the value of truth, and how integral is really is daily interactions. When asked a question, a response can go one of two ways - truth or lie. But the question is, how often do those lines get blurred? Whether it comes in blatant lies, deceitful half-truths, or simply by silence, truth does not have near the value it should. We lie about stupid things, and about things where the truth would not even be consequential, and I am trying to wrap my mind around how that has become so accepted and common.
I don't want to be a skeptical person, but as a side note, I think I am becoming that way even in relationships not deserving of suspicion.
My most recent endeavor has been to be a more honest person (Although it may not be wise to ask Pam or Sara what might have come from that ambition yesterday). I have a reputation of being blunt, but I think that is most definitely situational. I wouldn't consider myself a pathological liar by any definition, but I so often fail when it comes to honesty. My problem is not with lying, but in avoiding topics, sugar coating things, beating around the bush, telling people what they want to hear, ignoring issues in an attempt to please others, and essentially lying by omission. Ultimately, the only person that is ever going to hurt is myself, and so goes the trial run in fixing that.
I have too often had to choose between opening my mouth and screwing myself over, or keeping my mouth shut and watching silently while other people self destruct. I would like to get to the point where I care more about people than I do about people liking me.
2.11.2011
a new appreciation for hot meals
Keeping with tradition, I first have to say that in class today I learned that once you have kids, you will not eat a hot meal for 18 years. Women should always marry men 7 years younger than them so they don't set themselves up for widowhood. iClickers reduce stress, and I have a whole inner pharmacy of endorphins. Today, I got locked out of my apartment because my roommate left, thinking I was in my room while I was actually chasing Layla all over the neighborhood. Thankfully, I have great friends like Elizabeth and Katelyn who come and rescue me... and the dog, who really enjoyed the fact that she was outside while her leash was inside. In hindsight, pretty entertaining.
A month ago, I was dreading the end of the semester. Now, I am just short of counting down the days until summer. I typically find myself dreading change way in advance, but then it finally comes time, it's more than welcome. The irony of the situation is almost laughable. Plus, I'm working at camp again this summer - first time I've put that statement in writing... surprise!
The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works. The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down... The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.
Psalm 145:14-19
I like this a lot, and I like the crazy frequency by which it has been showing up in my life lately.
A month ago, I was dreading the end of the semester. Now, I am just short of counting down the days until summer. I typically find myself dreading change way in advance, but then it finally comes time, it's more than welcome. The irony of the situation is almost laughable. Plus, I'm working at camp again this summer - first time I've put that statement in writing... surprise!
The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The Lord is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works. The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down... The Lord is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him; he also hears their cry and saves them.
Psalm 145:14-19
I like this a lot, and I like the crazy frequency by which it has been showing up in my life lately.
2.04.2011
What I Like About Fridays.
Emily Clardy is so sweet. She even wrote an entire post about how much she loves me.
I have decided that I am not a fan of my classes this semester. I feel like three weeks is long enough to be able to make that call. Med-Surg is just plain overwhelming. Research is torture. Gerontology is online. Health Promotion is Dr. Howe. and Psychosocial needs Jesus.
I do, however, like Fridays a lot. This is potentially because it is the only day I do not have to wear scrubs to class. And I learn really important things, like the fact that vacuuming is the most strenuous exercise you can do inside your house, and that my professor has a sister who is 500 pounds, and that the 1 year chip is the most special in Alcoholics Anonymous, and that there is no shortage of "inspirational" nursing videos on YouTube. Our group work has somehow turned into a debate over the names of the teams in Legends of the Hidden Temple. I am dying right now in this class.
However, the fact that I am sitting in 302 Edwards and wearing jeans, rain boots, and a normal shirt with my hair down makes it almost worth it.
I have decided that I am not a fan of my classes this semester. I feel like three weeks is long enough to be able to make that call. Med-Surg is just plain overwhelming. Research is torture. Gerontology is online. Health Promotion is Dr. Howe. and Psychosocial needs Jesus.
I do, however, like Fridays a lot. This is potentially because it is the only day I do not have to wear scrubs to class. And I learn really important things, like the fact that vacuuming is the most strenuous exercise you can do inside your house, and that my professor has a sister who is 500 pounds, and that the 1 year chip is the most special in Alcoholics Anonymous, and that there is no shortage of "inspirational" nursing videos on YouTube. Our group work has somehow turned into a debate over the names of the teams in Legends of the Hidden Temple. I am dying right now in this class.
However, the fact that I am sitting in 302 Edwards and wearing jeans, rain boots, and a normal shirt with my hair down makes it almost worth it.
1.30.2011
You give and take away.
We sang this song tonight at youth. It's a song I've been singing almost as long as I can remember. It's followed me through awkward seventh grade, rebellious eighth grade, insecure freshman year, apathetic sophomore year, stressed junior year and senior year - which no one word can really describe - I feel like I would need a really loaded, multifaceted word, and I can't really think of one.
But this song has never really hit me quite like it has tonight. The words have become complacent, routine, and unimportant. But not tonight. I needed to hear this. God gives, and God takes away - but above all else, HE is in control, HE is sovereign, and HE is good.
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
But this song has never really hit me quite like it has tonight. The words have become complacent, routine, and unimportant. But not tonight. I needed to hear this. God gives, and God takes away - but above all else, HE is in control, HE is sovereign, and HE is good.
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
1.29.2011
bring it on, spring 2011
I currently feel like I am drinking out of a fire hydrant as far as life goes. This has been potentially the most ridiculous week of my life - (ridiculous enough to be blog-worthy). I have a lot on my mind. Lots of decisions to make - including both the immediate, the long term, and the even longer term - and lots of worries that I really shouldn't be worried about because I serve a God who has proven Himself faithful over and over again. I think this week I've been a position, maybe even for the first time in my life, where I have had no other choice but to trust God - situations that were completely out of control and all transpiring at the same time. I learn a lot when I am stretched in ways that I don't particularly appreciate being stretched.
This week, I have learned that I am capable of making decisions that require complete faith that the outcome will be worth it, despite what it takes to get there. I have been reminded that God is always, always, always going to provide, even if I have to break a sweat while waiting rather impatiently. I have been reminded how much i miss Rachel Eckard, currently spending the semester in South Asia. I've learned the at the best part of waking up really IS Folgers in your cup - thank you Junior II.
I've been reminded that above everything else, God is in control, and I am not, and I am immeasurably thankful for that.
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